The saddest story ever told

11 06 2009

This will be one of the saddest stories I ever share with you. And you will probably find it very funny. Well, I’ve never liked you.

Back to the story:

Driving home from Kmart on a dark summer’s night, my best friend Shannon and I were zipping through the back country roads of the area we called home.

On a familiar stretch of road, I thought the Vangreene (the van) may have driven over something, namely a cat.

So naturally, we turned around at a driveway ahead, backtracked and stopped near where we thought might have been the injured animal.

Pulling up alongside it, I opened the driver side door and saw this: babyowl

The most adorable, little baby owl sitting in the middle of the other lane, content as can be and not a feather flustered.

And I swear on my life, he turned his little owlish head towards us and cooed.

So being the good citizens we are (lets ignore a long history of littering here), we pulled off to the side of the road because naturally in the van there was a towel, among several other items that could have been help. Being in the country, however, pulloffs had to be strategically picked. So we had to drive a small distance (15 feet) to get off the road safely.

Approaching the baby owl, towel in hand, confident that we were about to save a life, we heard it: the zipping of a car, a very, very fast car, coming a few feet behind us.

owleyes We tried to scream for them to stop. But it was nighttime and we were invisible to the speeding motorist. So was Mr. Owl.

All we could do was not look.

And then Mr. Owl was no more.

Shannon went back to the van crying. And I slunked back to the scene of the crime, scooped up what was left of him with the towel and buried him beside the road. We drove back to Shannon’s house, shells of human beings and devastated.

Luckily, her mom was there. The rest of this should be a no brainer right? A sweet woman comforts two devastated teenagers who just witnessed an atrocity.

Not the case.

She instead cocked her head back and had a fabulous laugh at our expense, as she has consistently done over the years, and everyone to whom we told this story to.

Every time we see an owl, we saw, awww Mr. Owl. And every time someone hears that, they laugh at us.

So, for Mr. Owl, to everyone who laughs, here’s a big F you 🙂




3 responses

12 06 2009

THIS IS AWFUL! I even know this road and they do drive way too fast!


16 06 2009

hahahahahahaha, I will take that “F-you,” put it in my pocket and carry it with me always… because that will continue to be one of the funniest fucking stories I’ve ever heard in my life. It’s even better in person… especially when Shannon turns to you, cocks her little head, opens her big doe-eyes and lets out this tiny, tiny “who…”


But really, that poor owl…

17 06 2009

Best…Story…Ever. I can still hear my mother’s cackling and see Shannon’s tears with every cruel re-telling of this story.

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